Start .. where you are

Change in our thinking, is what this program
is all about. This is ultimately what happened
and what must happen, but the program
never says that up front. The term "spiritual"
is used, but it is our thinking, our beliefs, our values,
that we need to look.  The word
"spiritual" is the handle for the concept that was
in vogue when Bill wrote AA. Now we might
use psychology, philosophy, thinking, mind,
or any other handle. These are the non-physical
parts of us, some of which we have control over.

When we are done, we will know a
great deal more about ourselves.
We will know that we contain wrong ideas,
concepts, and let go of many of these.
We will adopt many new concepts,
more correct those we let go of.
We will understand our characteristics,
as well as the stages of recovery,
and the processes that move us
from one stage to the next.
Life will change in unimaginable ways.

At any time you can stop changing and
even go back to your old ways. This is or
will become totally within your control.
All we need do is let go of those thing
we have no control over anyway.

Food is one of those thing we have little control over.
We like to think that we can control what we put into
our bodies. If we were totally rational we could
control ourselves, but we are not totally rational,
we are largely emotionally driven. We need to learn
to manage our emotional drives so that we can
obtain what our rational mind tells us we need.

Some things are up to us and some things are not.
The question we need to answer is what is
within our power and what is not. This changes
nothing but our understanding.

Impatience is fine, but mainly irreverent to recovery.
Impatience is far better than procrastination. These are
related to our eager want, our time related desires.

Perseverance is the characteristic you will really need.

Caution: These are my word to describe how
I understand what happened to me, not the program.
The program is the steps, tradition, and the like.

Further reading suggested: everything on step one
Further writing: a food diary.
Write down everything you eat, before you eat it.
Also list down the attitudes,
characteristics and virtues that are named in step one.

Step 2

Step 2 was and is a massive change in attitude for me.  OK. Came to believe.

I was raised in the church, but I looked around and saw the congregation was not living by the teachings. OK, so now what. I mouthed the words, without belief, grew up, moved away, and ignored the whole situation until I got to this program.

There is one line in the big book, 3ed, pg.12, "Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"  That made sense. God is a concept. That is all. Any concept will work. That tied in with what I knew to be true, it is all in out heads. Our belief and value system puts limits on our actions. Carnegie called it our noble motives.  But that still left me guestioning.

I studied religion, and read The Variety of Religious Experiences by William James, with a dictionary in hand. It is a tough read. I have read simpler textbooks of tough subjects that were much easier to read. James is a pompous, sadistic  professor, out to make his students struggle. I read Huston Smith, and all the old AA books.

I studied a bit about Buddhism. Part of that was logical, part the fellow must have been on acid or smoking the Mary Jane or something.

In the end, Buddhism can be reduces to 1. there is much suffering in the world, 2. what we feel is in us, the correction can come by changing our reaction to the world,  it is due to our delusions, (Ideas of what the world should be), our attachments, and our aversions, 3. there is a solution, and 4 that solution is by living life by examining our past life and our intentions, future life in eight areas.   Having the right View, Intention, Speech, Actions, Livelihood, Effort, Mindfulness, and Concentration. A long summary can be found at http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/ When I looked at this and the twelve steps, the AA steps fit inside of this belief system. It is all about cleaning up the wreckage of the past, cleaning up relationships, and living an clean and tidy life. Some relationships are simple abandoned, others grown. We live life by a new set of rules. We have a purpose and meaning in our lives.

After we have decided what we believe, we can move on...We can move on once we become willing to look at our life... We can decide to look, that is all that is required to carry on.

We have, as adults, a good understanding of what is right and what is not. Life to this point has been our first effort, our first time through, we cannot be expected to be right all the time. Somethings we were right on, some less so, but with reflection we will see what did not work. The program provides a place to generate new ideas, and see what has worked for others. Now we can test it for ourselves.

Please share in as comments below your strength, hope and experience in respect to step 2.