Big Three Issues

In the development of the human, there are three big concepts. -- A review of my youth 50-60 years ago.

As an infant and as a youth, attachment is critical for our very existence. We are dependent on attachment to our parents/ care-givers. This is the most important relationship in our lives, and we therefore instinctively protect that relationship.  We will do what we must to protect it, and that is in the mind of a child. What we do may not be logical. We will adopt any cooping method to survive, and maintain this relationship, even when it is unhealthy. All other relationships are patterned after that one.

I was subjected to "If you don't do _________, we will send you back to where you came from." This is both implicit memory and real memory. What impact did that have on the development of my authentic self, the second important characteristic? When "Clean your plate" came up, we did. Imprinted reaction, without  a doubt. Now how does one overcome such imprinted reactions? -first- It is just not right for a parent to play our security against an action. That is abuse of power. It does not engender any respect, compassion, kindness, understanding, just distrust, and resentment. No wonder I never missed my parent after leaving home.

The third is emotional isolation, emotional open parents. I was physically isolated, socially isolated, and had no emotional outlet. It is important for children, youths and adults to have emotional support, a place to express how we feel about any subject, without criticism, condemnation, and complaint. As a child, she called me a lot of things. I grew up without emotional outlet or support. As a result, I learned to be silent, and walk away, which translates into fear of people, and toleration of isolation. This is not the authentic self, but the cooping self, the eating self. It is an experience exploring the authentic self at this age, rather than the dutiful, responsible, cheap, money grubbing, isolated, compulsive working person that I had been trained to be.

The nicest conversion I ever had with my mother was the last, perhaps a month before she died, in the hospital, when she was waiting for the nursing home. I was in town for other reasons. She recognized me, and was not instantly criticizing, likely because she could not remember anything. Toward me, she was always biter person, but for anyone else she would do anything. I never understood why, and I just avoided her.

Recovery from imprinted reactions like over eating is not a simple process. If I can retrain myself, the problem should reduce, as well and endeavoring to keep it at bay with OA, with gratitude that I have survive.