Could this whole problem be a personality characteristic that has been whetted over the years, starting from genetic characteristic? A desire for more, it it were money it would be greed, but then greed is not exclusive to money. Is the desire whetted by comparing myself to others. I will always be found lacking, for in any one field there will always be someone better. Remember, on average, that a full one half of the population is smarter than average. Comparing is all we have to judge our progress, tests in school, jobs, our inability in academics, English, or athletics. But then how about work, production volumes, impatience with others who want to dilly dally around with something that would take me 5 minutes?
Stoic stuff this AM, I realized the goal should not to be happy, but to be satisfied. Big difference. Satisfaction is easily possible but doing right, living virtuously, without consideration for the outcome. Time does not enter in to the equation. It is not unlike the archer, who purpose is to hit the target (500 mm x 500 mms) , not the yellow (120 mm dia circle in the center). Or just to fire the arrows at the target, without concern for where they hit. Success is assured.
The process of knowing what we have control of, and only being responsible for that is a big relief. Living only in the present, is wonderful. Revisiting my values, beliefs, and attitudes - precepts and doctrine - and cleaning that which does not work has helped. Living without hurry, for today is all we have, but taking the time I need also has helped.
But then what do I know. Sophrosune, (or perhaps sophrosyne in englishs) a lovely Greek word, knowing yourself, humility without judgement, and self control, mental hygiene, all in one. Enough
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