Apathy - an illustration

I have been lethargic, apathetic, low energy, ambivalent, no ambition for some time now, and am looking for something to pick me up. Not mentally depressed, but no desire to do much. Not unwilling to do some thing, but unwilling to much, physically, or work wise. I have never experienced this before, but have been depressed in the past. It is a strange disinterested state, strange to me anyway. My get up and go got up and left. 

Now how to get out of this low energy state. Any ideas. Yah, go to a meeting. OK.

Time Meditation

I am here now in this.

Time can be divided into five states:

1. future with potential anxieties and unknown, with chaos, some intention 
2. a compressed time state, rushing to get something done, planning time, decision making, with anxiety
3. present state, mindfulness, concentration, attention where we can be serene, speech, actions, livelihood should occur
4. in never-never land, TV watching, escapism, fiction time
5. the past, unsatisfactory past with guilt, where knowledge resides   

We are not responsible for the quality of our human experience. My childhood was poor, rough, oppressive. The imprint is there. Now I need to respond, not in kind. 

For serenity, I need to live in present time mostly. Draw from the past knowledge, and have a plan for the future, but live in the present. Come to know my emotional imprinted reactions, but respond, not react. Express the emotions at some point. 

The Government is an ass. RCMP are just tax collectors, revenuers. No respect due there. Just self preservation fear, as toward Boss Hog, avoid them as much as possible.  

We are not responsible for the quality of our human experience in our youth. My childhood was poor, rough, oppressive. Talking was disallowed.  My older sister was brutal. Child labor was parental enforced. The physical damage scars are there.  The imprint is there, in my psyche, emotions, and memory. Now I need to respond, not in kind, but as a rational person of age and communications, to over come the shit. I know it was not right, in my spirit, I knew as a teenager, but I only now learned how to clean the wreckage of the past. A bit dyslexic too, possible a touch of ADD, and not much concern about correctness of English, or of what other think of me. It is what I known of me that is important today. 

A Correct Rant

http://itsthewooo.blogspot.com/2012/02/on-eating-entire-chicken-clarifications.html

and from William Davis
http://www.wheatbellyblog.com/2012/02/unapproved-drugs/

So, yes, modern food mistakes are about such issues as overconsumption of sucrose, overexposure to fructose, food colorings and preservatives, and relative macronutrient intake (e.g., excessive carbohydrate intake). But it’s also about the substantial changes introduced into food crops like wheat, corn, and soy, that have not been examined–because the questions were never asked.

Changing Ourselves

As we go through the process of changing ourselves, primarily in a effort to be able to maintain a normal weight, other things change along the way. We have no control over what will change. It will happen suddenly, but what will happen and when is unknown.

The first change that must occur is the process of learning, to take the time necessary to learn little bits, and then keep coming back. Perseverance. It will take time. We need to develop patience. We need to develop an inner peace.

We need to learn that we can only change ourselves and then only sometimes, and not in a predictable fashion. We can change the way we react to the world, and this is where much success lies. We cannot change the world around us much. We can change our exposure to the world around us, but what do we want to become? Isolated. Recluse. Do we want to drive those around us away? Or the life of the party? It is our individual choice.

It take determination, commitment, courage, compassion, perseverance, gentleness, consistency, and responsibility to change ourselves in a big way. We need to consider long and hard before we make major changes, for once these start, we may be changes forever.

The serenity prayer does a nice summary of all this.  

Overeating

Is overeating a coping mechanism?

We must, in life, learn to coping with many circumstances that we found unsatisfactory, from the infant stage, through the child stage, through growing years, teen age, young adult, adult, working life, and into retirement. What if overeating is just a coping method that we have imposed on our authentic self?

Saturday night, in a one hour period (7.15 to 8.15), there 12 food commercials. Last post I estimated 3 per hour. TV must become a selected programs only item, not the default evening activity. The default may be a intellectual undertaking to find the true essence of self, the authentic self, before I learned any coping skills.

Television - Diet Impact?

Does TV have a impact on my food intake?

Imprinted reaction: To eat when food is presented.

Duh

TV presents food representations perhaps 3 time per hour.

Implied memory and recall memory: Do what you are told.
Imprinted reaction: Do as you are told; Cooperative, following personality some of the time, (except when the "idiot" is majorly wrong),

Duh

So remove the TV form my life as a test. When I did the 5 meetings per weak, I lost weight. Yellowknife, without TV, I lost weight, as on the Gull Diversion Project, Ketza Project, Cone Undertaking, and other time. I see a connection. Now I just need to do it.

also around the web;

Sharma at
http://www.drsharma.ca/treating-obesity-in-the-mentally-ill.html  notes


Components of successful CBT for obesity treatment include:

1) identifying readiness for change and goodness of fit between patient and treatment, 

2) self-monitoring by tracking weight and food behaviours, 

3) cognitive restructuring via challenging maladaptive cognitions and 

4) problem solving by developing system of alternate food behaviours.

So What is God?

In the OA program, I need a clear concept of god. God is a concept, to start with; hence, has no form, no sex, can do nothing. I includes all things outside of my self and in myself, of which I have no control over, do not now about, and all knowledge, of which I know a bit, and some of that is wrong. The concept has all power, so anything that happens is beyond me. I can be just an observer of the goings on.

Note that this part is to dispose of stresses; the typical causes of stress can be grouped as;

1. uncertainty 
2. the lack of information
3. the loss of control
4. helplessness, it is beyond our control 

God, therefore, must embody all knowledge, of which each person carries some. The issue is finding the information, sorting the right from wrong, and not claiming the nonexistent cannot exist. We can only know, we cannot prove that which we do not know does not exist.

Of course control is really only influence, it is not absolute. It is impermanent, ever changing.

Gods people, (the ground crew) must be willing to admit that they do not know (this leaves out churches, and moors, etc.), and must be free and able to say no to any request.   

I have suffered loss of faith, loss of direction, and loss of passion. It is time to explore this as well. I have faith in myself, in my abilities, even thought these are reducing, in activities, in progress(even if the damn government hampers it), and that this will all end. Life is just a process. 

I have faith that I will die. That I must accept, and try to improve on that. Do what I can to live longer, and better, and pass on something to the next generation of the public. Do something before death or not: it does not matter. Few are remembered beyond the lives of those we touched. Live life with commitment, consistency, compassion, and responsibility for myself. Compassion for myself includes doing what is necessary for my own well-being, not folding to the desires and needs of others.

We must be free to express our emotions somewhere, else they fester and we become unhealthy. Look out world, you are about to get a dump of stuff. I must give up past unsatisfactory acts and future anxieties, and live in the present.     

Harper is a bastard for even thinking of cutting the starting age of old age security.  He has betrayed the people nearing retirement. The only hope is the Green. Run the prostitutes out of Ottawa.