Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Time Meditation

I am here now in this.

Time can be divided into five states:

  1. future with potential anxieties and unknown, with chaos, some intention 
  2. a compressed time state, rushing to get something done, planning time, decision making, with anxiety
  3. present state, mindfulness, concentration, attention where we can be serene, speech, actions, livelihood should occur
  4. in never-never land, TV watching, escapism, fiction time
  5. the past, unsatisfactory past with guilt, where knowledge resides   

We are not responsible for the quality of our human experience. My childhood was poor, rough, oppressive. The imprint is there. Now I need to respond, not in kind. 

For serenity, I need to live in present time mostly. Draw from the past knowledge, and have a plan for the future, but live in the present. Come to know my emotional imprinted reactions, but respond, not react. Express the emotions at some point. 

The Government is an ass. RCMP are just tax collectors, revenuers. No respect due there. Just self preservation fear, as toward Boss Hog, avoid them as much as possible.  

We are not responsible for the quality of our human experience in our youth. My childhood was poor, rough, oppressive. Talking was disallowed.  My older sister was brutal. Child labor was parental enforced. The physical damage scars are there.  The imprint is there, in my psyche, emotions, and memory. Now I need to respond, not in kind, but as a rational person of age and communications, to over come the shit. I know it was not right, in my spirit, I knew as a teenager, but I only now learned how to clean the wreckage of the past. A bit dyslexic too, possible a touch of ADD, and not much concern about correctness of English, or of what other think of me. It is what I known of me that is important today. 

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