Saturday, January 24, 2015
Stop to smell the lilies
My mission in my life has become learning enough about this overeating issue to recover from the problem. This has lead to some unexpected realizations. Some will not be popular. Oh well. But recovery is still lacking.
First Hebdo related. Cognitive dissonance or discordance, I think is occurring. Humans are logic seeking, more or less. First, freedom of speech is only possible in a relatively closed culture, where any non-consistent view may be openly criticized, and there by bringing view in line with the cultural standards. Open cultures cannot withstand abusing non-conforming religions without offending the non-conforming culture. Some form of limited freedom of speech may be possible, excluding anything that could raise hate. That is why mixed cultures have never survived for long. The concept of open culture does not deal with what people are, but rather what they might be. We are doomed unless a new religion/belief system is started. The only foundation is that we are in control of our beliefs, and that all our beliefs are within our own heads. Any group which holds itself separate from the remainder of culture, is by definition, separate from the main culture, hence biases. It cannot work unless humans become less logical and adopt ill-logic concepts.
Now on the the subject. We all have beliefs. These seem to be similar to the unconscious mind as memory is to the conscious mind. Rap your mind around that if you can. We have triune brain and triune memory, two of which some people, do not have access to. We can eliminate a belief by figuring out what it is and where it came from, and eliminating it completely. But that is not so easy, we may dislike telephone solicitors and salesman, and yet be required to do cold calling for work, or job hunting.
So what belief is it that causes me to overeat? It is not one, but many. Anxiety, I believe was the starting problem. I was holding myself responsible for situations that I had no control over, and was encouraged to overeat as a means of overcoming the problem, which it could not of course do. By the time I realized that, I was addicted to the chemical rushes, effects and the like. The worst part is the effects are real for some of us. I like the high. I still do, but I do not like the weight gain. I want the high, but not the weight. The high still works. So the short term works, long term it does not. Now which is more important today; getting through today, or next week, next month, next year? The future is changed in the today, but the suffering can be removed with the drug today.
Why do things bother me so much? Why do I care? Nobody else cares. That may be why they do not have the problem. Is it caring too much and feeling over responsible that is the root of the problem? So how did parents guilt that responsibility into me? I was expected to do better than anyone else, but could not. Heep on guilt parents. Of course they are long since been returned to where they came from. (to respect their views, not mine) To me they have simply expire as all mortals must. I accept it was not their intent to cause me problem, but it was the effect. My recovery is all about me straightening out my beliefs, free of interference of religion beliefs. I do not care what most other people think of my solutions; they do not offer anything better. Life is short and difficult. Old age is not for the faint of heart. The door is always open if the kitchen gets to smokey and hot, to sort of quote Marcus Aurelius.