Saturday, December 8, 2012

Dissolving of my Inadequacy

Many of us have experienced a feeling of inadequacy, unworthiness  or similar negative feeling. The Tolle Philosophy provides a quick method of 'dissolving' these feelings. Buddhist is similar, but Tolle is easier to understand, and once we understand, the process is simple.

The first thing we need to understand and accept is the physical/conciousness/mind or ego split  of we humans. This may be also seen as physical/spiritual/emotional split. Then we need to understand and accept that the ego is a construct of the mind, and emotions are stirred up as a result of impinging on the ego. The ego has a function, to protect us from sudden change, and to collect all the collective expectations of others. The ego in general, is the reflection and collection of others expectations; it is not us, but what others expect us to be, as we have gathered over the years.

I grew up in a verbally abusive environment, where everyone had expectations on me, all unreasonable, and nothing based on the authentic me, or my limited physical or mental capacity of a child. I was expected to grow up fast, perform like a motivated adult, when I did not care. It youth was labour enslavement in a form.

No child can grow up to meet the expectations of 5 adults (2 parents, one set of grandparents, one great uncle). All these expectations were drilled into my ego. By 'dissolving' the ego, all these feelings disappear, including the feelings of inadequacy. I was inadequate, when measured against their expectation. It was there expectations that was out to lunch, not me.  Add to this, the habit of trying to fill the expectations of others of influence; employers  partners.

The method of watching thoughts and recognising the feelings as feelings, and watching those feelings is a neat concept. We need to recognise that the feeling is something pinching our ego, and understanding that ego is a reflection of the expectations, from  interpolation of what happened, extending beyond the real data.

Data is, it cannot be changed. Our opinion of that data can be. We can accept the data, and not accept our interpretation, we can change our interpretation, or we can accept the old interpretation, along with the suffering that it brought. In summary, we can accept it or change it in some way, or change our ego, one of the three.

If we do not live up to someone's expectations, they will need to deal with it. We do not bow, grovel, or put up with their abuse.

The ego is a reflection of others, therefore impermanent, not us, and changeable.

Please feel free to express any opinion you may have on this subject or any other.      


tess said...

i have to struggle with this -- like diet, when i pay close attention it's not so hard, but when things get busy and stressful the feelings sneak back in. add in my chronic lack of energy, and my own body exacerbates the problem.... i KNOW people think i'm lazy, but when i push myself, the resultant exhaustion puts me out of action worse. :-(

FredT said...
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FredT said...
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FredT said...

Thanks Tess, The big question with "lazy" is it real or uninterested or disinterest in the activity? I know for myself is that there is much that I just do not care about. Motivation is a major factor in doing / not doing. Lazy is one of those negative words that is used on other people, and I have replaced it with unmotivated to do a particular thing(s) that I have no interest in. All I really need to do is keep on breathing. Being a negative word, and only used on others, I can recognise it as a reflection of other opinions and let it go. It is none of my business what other think of me.

With the advent of cheap light, we humans have extended our life to the limits of human endurance, and beyond optimum sleep/rest/activity rations. As we get older, I need more sleep/rest, leaving less room for activity. I need to adjust my thinking to compare with actual body energy.