Self-loathing is beating ourselves up, a form of self abuse that there is a logical, reasoned, treatment for. First, it is my first time through life, so I can expect to make mistakes. Second, it is not the event, but my thinking about the event, that causes me these concerns. I can change my thinking.
I have power over only my will. I may have some influence over my thinking and actions, but not control or power. All else is beyond my power and control; it is none of my concern. What you do, think, do not do or say is none my concern, none of my business. That are your issues. Is what I am self-loathing over in my power or influence or none of my concern?
The mind is composed of a number of parts that communicate with each-other. The memory or knowledge; ego, a construction of mind, and the reasoning part and consciousness are separate parts. We may be doing what we think is our best action, and someone takes offence. That is their problem. We need to get along to survive, be part of a community, but also have a bit of space. We have too dense of population here, that is all there is to it. This planet cannot support the beautiful too many. Nature will decide who dies off and who remains. Oh, well, shit happens.